The third episode in Oxygen’s reality docu-series, Preachers of LA, focused mainly on the women in the lives of these men of God. The show highlighted the difficulties that women who are married to a pastor often deal with – loneliness, mistrust, and a lack of authentic friendships. Recently, Christian blogger, Thom Rainer, wrote a post entitled: “Confessions of a Broken Pastor’s Wife” detailing some of the difficulties many pastor’s wives face.
As a man who is married to a pastor’s wife, I can say that the pastor’s wife often holds the most difficult position in the church. The demands are often the same for her as they are the senior pastor (especially if they have children), but the respect level is often not. The pastor’s wife is often the most misunderstood person in the congregation, yet she must continue to minister through misunderstanding. I applaud these brave women who are called to stand with “the called”.
On this episode of Preachers of LA, one of the pastors’ wives, Lady Myseha Chaney, decides to sponsor a “First Ladies’ Tea”. She begins by deliberating on who to invite to the tea, and whether or not she should include the women on the show who were not actually married to the pastors, therefore, were not technically “First Ladies”. She goes against the counsel she received from a more seasoned pastor’s wife and decides to invite the girlfriend and fiancee of two of the preachers. (Let me just pause and say, it doesn’t make sense to seek advice from others if you’re just going to do what you want to do anyway.)
As could be expected, much of the dialog during the First Ladies ‘Tea centered around the two women who were not actually First Ladies: Dominique, who was the fiancee of Deitrick Haddon, and Loretta, who was the friend/girlfriend/business partner of Bishop Noel Jones. The questions posed to these women, and their responses, led me to post several #DearSingleSister tweets on my Twitter timeline. You can see some of them here. (For more #DearSingleSister tweets, check out my #DearSingleSister blog.)
Back to the show…there was a great deal of interest among the First Ladies (and even their husbands) surrounding the nature of the relationship between Loretta and Bishop Jones. In fact, Bishop Jones tried to discourage Loretta from attending the tea, saying that she would become their “victim” and that she should tell the other women to mind their own business.
Loretta takes this mindset with her to the tea, and when pressed on her relationship with Bishop Jones she says, ”Let’s not assume that I’m here to be his wife.” Earlier in the show, she asked Bishop Jones about the status of their relationship and he responded, “We’re friends. Period.” According to the show they’ve been “friends” for 16 years. This is a lesson to all my dear single sisters: If you’re content with being “the FRIEND”…your single-hood will never END. You have to make men make a decision. As Lady Gibson so eloquently stated in the show, “Your merchandise is valuable.” Stop giving it away for free with no commitment.
It is my opinion that women who accept ANYTHING in relationships…usually end up with NOTHING. If you SETTLE for being his “wifey”, he’ll never SETTLE DOWN and make you his wife. Being “friends with benefits” usually only benefits one friend – and it’s NOT the single woman desiring a mate. A man can tell you that you’re “just friends” so long…that you forget that you ever wanted to be married. Don’t fall into the “Loretta Love Trap”. Once you get there, it’s hard to get out. It’s been 16 years…and counting.
And, ladies, you definitely don’t want to end up like THIS girl!
P.S. An even more troubling issue that arose from the tea was Dominique’s views on cohabitation. She said that her “biblical” belief on marriage is that once a man “enters into” a woman, they are married(???!!!). She lamented the fact that she and her fiancee/baby daddy couldn’t live together because of the special rules and standards applied to being “Deitrick Haddon”. Of course there are no special rules. There are biblical standards that come from God…and they’re for all of us. Again, I have to refer to the words of Lady Gibson who said, “There’s your private opinion…and then there’s the Word [of God].” Make sure your stand on God’s truth…so you don’t fall for a lie!